Endless Fiertasy

Sun, 19 May 2013 03:49:57 -0400

Endless Fiertasy

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Sun, 19 May 2013 00:23:07 -0400

“it’s time to go back”

Sat, 18 May 2013 23:45:16 -0400

“it’s time to go back”

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Sat, 18 May 2013 23:41:28 -0400

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Tue, 22 Jan 2013 22:34:56 -0500

All of humanity will merge and take shape into one unified...

Tue, 01 Jan 2013 03:36:34 -0500

All of humanity will merge and take shape into one unified collective consciousness.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR VIEWERSHIP

Tue, 25 Dec 2012 02:40:20 -0500

THANK YOU FOR YOUR VIEWERSHIP

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Wed, 14 Nov 2012 19:14:45 -0500

Crack the Guye

Wed, 14 Nov 2012 14:28:41 -0500

Crack the Guye

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Now that they’re all grown up, they want to be called the...

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Now that they’re all grown up, they want to be called the Backstreet Guys

this isn’t even my final form

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this isn’t even my final form

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SAY MONEY AGAIN! SAY MONEY AGAIN! I DARE YOU I DOUBLE DARE YOU...

Wed, 26 Sep 2012 23:56:42 -0400

SAY MONEY AGAIN! SAY MONEY AGAIN! I DARE YOU I DOUBLE DARE YOU MOTHAFUCKA SAY MONEY ONE MORE GODDAMN TIME

The mayor of Pallet Town

Wed, 26 Sep 2012 23:43:12 -0400

The mayor of Pallet Town

The album “Parallax II: Flavor Sequence” by the...

Thu, 20 Sep 2012 00:56:42 -0400

The album “Parallax II: Flavor Sequence” by the Progressive Metal Band “Between the Fieri’d and Me” is my AOTY.

Yesterday I went to the Grand Opening of Guy Fieri's New Restaurant

Wed, 12 Sep 2012 03:00:00 -0400

Yesterday was the Grand Opening of “Guy’s American Kitchen and Chimichuri Wanton Emporium” in NYC. Realizing I was going to be in the city the same day for other reasons, I decided to grab my $50 Visa gift card, put my MONEY where my mouth is (literally?), and head on down to Flavortown!

I got to Times Square at about 2 PM hoping to be able to catch a late lunch. I walked up to the restaurant and saw a sign that said they were opening at 4. Outside the doors were two guys waiting for the gates of Flavortown to open so they could be the first official customer’s at Guy Fieri’s American Kitchen and Wasabi Taco Emporium! As much as I wanted to see whatever ribbon cutting ceremony took place at 4 I had to go to Astoria to see my friend Chris.

This is Chris:

I returned to 44th street later at around 7PM where a man standing outside the restaurant opened the door that transported me to Flavortown.

I walked into the three floor restaurant where the hostess lead me to my table on the balcony overlooking the restaurant’s entrance. She put the menu on the table, told me that the desserts were really good and that my waiter would be right over. After this came my first issue (and only issue restaurant arrangement wise), the tables for two along the balcony were really packed together in an effort to squeeze in as many flavortown couples an give them the (romantic?) view overlooking the restaurant’s entrance. This lead to an awkward encounter with the couple behind me while attempting to pull out my chair to sit down. The guy in the chair behind me wasn’t really sitting that far back from the table either and it just added an aura of awkwardness. But we figured it out, I sat down and the dining experience of a lifetime began!

Wanting to try as much as possible, I ordered the “Awesome Pretzel Chicken Tenders” as an appetizer and “Guy’s Big Bite Burger” for my entree, the latter of which emitted a chill up my spine as I ordered. When I asked the waiter if he could hold the onions, he told that for tonight, the chefs weren’t making any alterations to the menu in order to get into the swing of things. This was a perfectly understandable excuse to have, it being opening night and all, as opposed to if he would have told me there was an onion wizard in the kitchen casting onion summoning spells flooding the kitchen with onions because those guys are incredibly easy to get rid of. He told me that the condiments were sliced really thin and I agreed to work through it. The waiter also looked a little like Ryan Gosling and it felt nice to have somebody who girls would probably pay attention to at parties more than me be sincerely apologetic to me over condiments.

While waiting for my appetizer I spend a few minutes observing the ambiance of Guy’s American Kitchen and Comedy Club and saw this:

This is a giant chandelier above the front of the house made with frying pans instead of ornate glass. And yes that barley was intentionally made to resemble our favorite chef’s iconic hair.

After waiting 10 minutes my waiter came back with these Awesome Pretz-Chic-Tends (pretzel chicken tenders)

Hey, get your own man! I ordered this thinking that I had to try one signature Guy Fieri “I’m gonna take this Texas Beef Brisket, pour some hot sauce on it and roll it into a Sushi roll!” logic style dish while I was here. However, these were fairly normal chicken tenders. I was expecting the chicken to be coated in a soft pretzel or something but no. They were crunchier than most chicken tenders, had a little bit of a spicy kick and had a hint of pretzel salt but other than that pretty standard appetizer. The honey mustard sauce was pretty good though. And it came with a little of the shoestring fries that also came the burger which were really awesome.

Speaking of which when I was 3/4ths finished with the appetizer this came out

Now here’s the part where I swallow my pride. This was the best dish I had all night. The description for “Guy’s Big Bite Burger” is as follows “Guy’s Pat LaFrieda custom blend, all-natural Creekstones Farm Black Angus beef patty, LTOP (lettuce tomato, onion, pickle) SMC (super-melty cheese) and a slathering of Donkey sauce on a garlic butter brioche bun.” So let me break each of these things down.

A lot of restaurants will try to rip you off by serving your burger on a huge bun so you can’t see how small the burger is. You can’t tell from this picture but the patty on the burger has a bigger circumference than the bun. It was also really thin and juicy.
I usually stray from ordering a lot of condiments on my burgers because I feel they overpower the taste of the burger. Nothing in the LTOP had an overpowering flavor that took away the taste of the burger. I may have only taken off one or two tomatoes.
The “SMC” was awesome. It almost had the consistency of whizz but maintained it’s metlyness.
I enjoyed the slathering of donkey sauce on my burger

The following is completely devoid of any snark or sarcasm. Bobby Flay has a burger restaurant by my college. I’ve been there multiple times and enjoyed itbut if I was blindfolded and ask which one I like better I would definitely say Guy’s Big Bite Burger.

And I left no survivors

The waiter came back and took my food and handed me a dessert menu. I gave him my order and went back to observing the decor.

Here’s the part where you can make your own hilarious joke using the words “Guy Fieri” “Pabst” and “Hipster”

About 10 minutes later my waiter came back with my dessert, Fried Ice Cream

This was probably the biggest bummer of the night. I love japanese food, so much that I go to Japanese or even sometimes Thai restaurants walking in the door crossing my fingers hoping they have fried ice cream. Most people going to this restaurants will probably be Times Square tourists seeing this item for the first time not realizing what they’re missing out on. What really works about fried ice cream is the contrast of the warm fried dough (occasionally absorbing the chocolate sauce) and the cold ice cream inside. Guy’s variant is a premade, room temperature thin crunchy shell around the ice cream inside. The only thing really good about this dish was the whipped cream. This dish wasn’t so much bad tasting as it was a let down after having such high expectations with the burger.

And so my time was over, I left my table and proceeded to end this ride by exiting through the Guyft Shop.

His face is on the book it counts. I hoping they would have some Donkey Sauce for sale because it was good and I would have hours of fun thinking of uses for a bottle that says “Donkey Sauce” on it.

At this point everyone reading this is probably thinking “DID YOU SEE THE MAYOR OF FLAVORTOWN WALKING AROUND AND GET A PIC?” Unfortunately no, I probably missed him earlier in the day and being by myself on his homecourt, I probably wouldn’t feel have too much confidence going up to him and showing him the image of how I plastered his face all over the “100 Hottest Guys” issue of Us Weekly.

And so leaves the question of how I would rate Guy Fieri’s American Kitchen and Ice Cream Buffet and if I would go back. If you asked me to rate the restaurant out of 5 I would ask why you’re asking a college sophmore and not a food critic. Then I would say “Despite the hugely missed opportunity of having some Rainforest Cafe style animatronics that spout catch phrases and shoot hair gel out their mouths every 20 minutes, probably a 3.5 or a 4”. You’d probably need someone there with you to navigate you through the menu to point out the dishes that are legitimately unique and delicious and the ones that are slightly better done than Applebees. Hopefully the pricing gets little better too especially for lunch (The Slamma Jamma Chicken Parm was $25). But yes I would go back and would bring my snarky friends with me to Flavortown.

Oh and I stole a drink coaster

Today I am going to the opening of Guy Fieri's new restaurant Update #1

Mon, 10 Sep 2012 14:56:29 -0400

badtoomuch:

I got to the restaurant at 2 PM. It doesn’t open until 4PM. There was a line consisting of 2 people waiting outside the doors so they can be the first official customers at Guy Fieri’s American Kitchen Pepperoni Salad Emporium. I am going to come back later

I recently found out that Guy Fieri is opening a restaurant not...

Wed, 05 Sep 2012 00:26:00 -0400

I recently found out that Guy Fieri is opening a restaurant not too far from me this Thursday. I feel as though I have the responsibility to see what I can do to document the glorious opening day.

The One Where Guy Fieri Joins The Group

Wed, 05 Sep 2012 00:08:47 -0400

The One Where Guy Fieri Joins The Group

Guy Fieri Photobombs

Endless Fiertasy

Photo

“it’s time to go back”

Photo

Photo

All of humanity will merge and take shape into one unified...

THANK YOU FOR YOUR VIEWERSHIP

Photo

Crack the Guye

Photo

Now that they’re all grown up, they want to be called the...

this isn’t even my final form

This is Evanguylion Unit 01. Humanity’s last hope. You...

SAY MONEY AGAIN! SAY MONEY AGAIN! I DARE YOU I DOUBLE DARE YOU...

The mayor of Pallet Town

The album “Parallax II: Flavor Sequence” by the...

Yesterday I went to the Grand Opening of Guy Fieri's New Restaurant

Today I am going to the opening of Guy Fieri's new restaurant Update #1

I recently found out that Guy Fieri is opening a restaurant not...

The One Where Guy Fieri Joins The Group